Forgiveness always seemed to me an intellectual activity but I've come to think of it more as a exercise of heart that becomes easier with self discipline and much practice.
One day I was struggling with frustration that my heart didn't seem to want to comply with this exercise. I had been hurt and embarassed the evening before and was nursing the pain.
Why was the pain so intense, when the injury was unintentional and why could I not practice that which I strongly believe? If it was not a grievous injury, why then was my pain so acute? Why does my pain even matter in the grand scheme of things? There are a couple of things I learned from this episode which may have been the sole purpose of this lesson.
Two weeks ago my husband apologized to a friend for being short and insensitive to an area of common interest. The picture of this friend accepting the apology publicly has been fused in my minds eye ever since; not so much the acceptance of the apology but rather the picture of his wife holding his hand while waiting for the exchange to end. This picture started me thinking about the pain that this friend endured over the previous week before the healing began. His wife was there to comfort him during the process, and her body language testified to the weight of the burden on him to forgive. While I was proud of my husbands humility, I hold a greater pride in my heart for this forgiving friend.
We continually try to teach our children how to apologize for the things they inflict on each other, but how much time do we devote to teaching them the greater service of forgiving?
If I understand that God created emotion to teach us anything of value, this would be at the top of the list. Forgiving always cost someone emotional pain, and apology always involves trusting the other with the burden of forgiving. Emotions are not a human weakness, but a God given opportunity. Our pain matters very much in the larger picture when it leads to understanding and eventual transformation of our hearts.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Friday Morning
No day is normal around here unless you consider drop-in ex foster kids who think they got their stuff together but the more they talk the more they reveal the truth. They, especially the girls, just want a Mom and Dad to care about them. Mom and Dad can't be bothered, and when confronted by the wounded child the parent responds in the only way they know and manage to shatter all hope. What a sad mess to try to grow up with or without.
This morning we are all up early so I made 2 different kinds of coffee. High octain for my step daughter and decafe for the foster son who is on meds to keep him calm. I figure the teachers might appreciate him not being jacked at 8:30 in the morning. I managed to make a fruit salad that I figure will be sitting there all day for me to nibble on. My step son left with a handful of fruit and puffy eyes from being on a late date with the girl of his dreams. This sounds really serious and we are all happy for them.
My daughters are grown and married so it is really bizare for me to turn back the clock and do this all over again. I was way too young to retire anyway.
This morning we are all up early so I made 2 different kinds of coffee. High octain for my step daughter and decafe for the foster son who is on meds to keep him calm. I figure the teachers might appreciate him not being jacked at 8:30 in the morning. I managed to make a fruit salad that I figure will be sitting there all day for me to nibble on. My step son left with a handful of fruit and puffy eyes from being on a late date with the girl of his dreams. This sounds really serious and we are all happy for them.
My daughters are grown and married so it is really bizare for me to turn back the clock and do this all over again. I was way too young to retire anyway.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Married Life
There are no two finger prints exactly the same, so why would a second marriage even resemble the first? When I agreed to marry this wonderful man I could not have ever guessed the changes that would be required in each of us. We both had very different relationships that developed strong coping skills. Skills that worked well in the past but now have to be honed for our new relationship. It has been like learning a new dance, that keeps us on our toes and leaning heavily on the other for balance. Truly a new concept for a woman on her own for 3 yrs. For those of you who have a clear understanding of my inclination to fix a problem NOW... you will believe the change when you see it.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Two Days
It has only been 8 weeks since we began dating and in 2 days we are getting married!
It sounds rediculous to my ears, but when you add up the hours that we have spent face to face and take in to account the e-mail and phone calls, we have actually spent more than 9 months of dating time together. More than 500 hours in all. There is little of importance that we do not know about the other and are thoroughly enjoying the relaxed banter that usually only comes after years of companionship. We have actually only gone to one movie, and every dinner date was so intent on exploring our dark and goofy sides that we are now quite comfortable finishing each others sentences. Life seems to begin after 55 if you are seriously looking for it. Will need to get some photos on this site soon. Can't wait for the big day!
It sounds rediculous to my ears, but when you add up the hours that we have spent face to face and take in to account the e-mail and phone calls, we have actually spent more than 9 months of dating time together. More than 500 hours in all. There is little of importance that we do not know about the other and are thoroughly enjoying the relaxed banter that usually only comes after years of companionship. We have actually only gone to one movie, and every dinner date was so intent on exploring our dark and goofy sides that we are now quite comfortable finishing each others sentences. Life seems to begin after 55 if you are seriously looking for it. Will need to get some photos on this site soon. Can't wait for the big day!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Nuts or lunatics?
Life has hit me in the face. Two months ago I would have been able to tell you what my life would look like six months ahead. Now I hardly know what next week will look like. My grandsons no longer fill the void in my heart, which I must admit is a relief. I love them to pieces, but understand that they will grow better without the greenhouse of affection that grandparents can generate. God has answered my prayers and presented me with a man who meets every detail I have been whining about. If it took 3 yrs for God to send him to me it might be pretty risky to wait for a second or third to come my way. How old would that make me?
I have been constantly depicted as too fussy, over strict, or excentric in my views of marriage. The really frightening part of this new relationship is the lack of compromise on both sides. Maybe we are being too polite, on our best behavior, or hiding some rare mental illness that allows us to understand each others perspective for just long enough to really get committed. We are both surprised, relieved, and thrilled to know there is another person who affirms our deepest beliefs and desires. Is that called a soul mate?
Once the important issues have been exposed, we are still faced with the decision to lead our hearts to the dangerous cliff. Do we want to fall in love? Is he waiting for me to say it first?
No worries there. He declared his love after a month but risked rejection with a proposal first.
This gift is a keeper!
I have been constantly depicted as too fussy, over strict, or excentric in my views of marriage. The really frightening part of this new relationship is the lack of compromise on both sides. Maybe we are being too polite, on our best behavior, or hiding some rare mental illness that allows us to understand each others perspective for just long enough to really get committed. We are both surprised, relieved, and thrilled to know there is another person who affirms our deepest beliefs and desires. Is that called a soul mate?
Once the important issues have been exposed, we are still faced with the decision to lead our hearts to the dangerous cliff. Do we want to fall in love? Is he waiting for me to say it first?
No worries there. He declared his love after a month but risked rejection with a proposal first.
This gift is a keeper!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Warp Speed Dating!
Okay so I didn't get back to my blog immediately, but that's not because I had to hitch hike back from Vernon. My date and I had some civil dinners and casual walks along the lake. All very proper and respectable. He allowed me the dignity of paying for my own room and was a perfect gentleman.
We talked for hours but said more about ourselves by the way we acted so serious. At our age we can't waste time flirting with someone totally wrong for us. On the third day the veneer finally broke and I had my first "first kiss" in 36 yrs. I was dazed to say the least.
An emergency back in Vancouver found us south of the US border on our way to Levinworth. The slow road back to the I- 5 gave us 6 more hours to talk trivia. Road construction after a nice dinner added to the tension. His daughter make up the master bedroom so I could stay the night. That was just weird, but was too tired to demand my own hotel room.
The next day we braved another hour at the border to head for Bellevue to see my friends.
Our visit with them gave both of us time to reflect and defuse our tension. He likes my friends almost as much as I do. The next day I learned how musically talented he is and found out that it's really nice to be kissed again.
Of course that meant that for a week I could think of little else than the second kiss. So how will this end? We both think we know, and hope we are not wrong. Only God knows for sure and we have to be content with His plan for now.
It is nothing short of a miracle that two people can be so much alike. That's actually a little scarey if you know how odd I am.
We talked for hours but said more about ourselves by the way we acted so serious. At our age we can't waste time flirting with someone totally wrong for us. On the third day the veneer finally broke and I had my first "first kiss" in 36 yrs. I was dazed to say the least.
An emergency back in Vancouver found us south of the US border on our way to Levinworth. The slow road back to the I- 5 gave us 6 more hours to talk trivia. Road construction after a nice dinner added to the tension. His daughter make up the master bedroom so I could stay the night. That was just weird, but was too tired to demand my own hotel room.
The next day we braved another hour at the border to head for Bellevue to see my friends.
Our visit with them gave both of us time to reflect and defuse our tension. He likes my friends almost as much as I do. The next day I learned how musically talented he is and found out that it's really nice to be kissed again.
Of course that meant that for a week I could think of little else than the second kiss. So how will this end? We both think we know, and hope we are not wrong. Only God knows for sure and we have to be content with His plan for now.
It is nothing short of a miracle that two people can be so much alike. That's actually a little scarey if you know how odd I am.
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